[{"@context":"https:\/\/schema.org\/","@type":"NewsArticle","@id":"https:\/\/thehomeground.asia\/destinations\/singapore\/dear-son-your-fathers-absence-is-not-for-a-lack-of-love\/#NewsArticle","mainEntityOfPage":"https:\/\/thehomeground.asia\/destinations\/singapore\/dear-son-your-fathers-absence-is-not-for-a-lack-of-love\/","headline":"Dear son, your father\u2019s absence is not for a lack of love","name":"Dear son, your father\u2019s absence is not for a lack of love","description":"Dear M, You had just turned two at the end of the month.\u00a0 My heart swelled with joy marveling at your presence, your energetic spirit, and your ever-growing penchant for making your mother\u2019s heart stop with your active antics and miraculous need for little sleep to function. Your existence had undoubtedly changed our world \u2014 […]","datePublished":"2022-02-19","dateModified":"2022-04-16","author":{"@type":"Person","@id":"https:\/\/thehomeground.asia\/author\/victoria-marie-er\/#Person","name":"Victoria-Marie Er","url":"https:\/\/thehomeground.asia\/author\/victoria-marie-er\/","identifier":319,"image":{"@type":"ImageObject","@id":"https:\/\/secure.gravatar.com\/avatar\/68e86d0a8b79222bbed91e2b70dd7712cee30ace97d90f46cba7f2d57ec226c9?s=96&d=mm&r=g","url":"https:\/\/secure.gravatar.com\/avatar\/68e86d0a8b79222bbed91e2b70dd7712cee30ace97d90f46cba7f2d57ec226c9?s=96&d=mm&r=g","height":96,"width":96}},"publisher":{"@type":"Organization","name":"TheHomeGround Asia","logo":{"@type":"ImageObject","@id":"https:\/\/thehomeground.asia\/wp-content\/uploads\/photo_2021-07-22-222533.jpeg","url":"https:\/\/thehomeground.asia\/wp-content\/uploads\/photo_2021-07-22-222533.jpeg","width":640,"height":640}},"image":{"@type":"ImageObject","@id":"https:\/\/thehomeground.asia\/wp-content\/uploads\/Source-Canva_In-text-2-2.jpg","url":"https:\/\/thehomeground.asia\/wp-content\/uploads\/Source-Canva_In-text-2-2.jpg","height":900,"width":1600},"url":"https:\/\/thehomeground.asia\/destinations\/singapore\/dear-son-your-fathers-absence-is-not-for-a-lack-of-love\/","commentCount":"3","comment":[{"@type":"Comment","@id":"https:\/\/thehomeground.asia\/destinations\/singapore\/dear-son-your-fathers-absence-is-not-for-a-lack-of-love\/#Comment1","dateCreated":"2026-05-02 16:25:17","description":"It was a pleasure reading this.","author":{"@type":"Person","name":"watch tv live online free","url":"https:\/\/www.bing.co.in\/news\/apiclick.aspx?aid&ref=FexRss&url=https:\/\/www.oneotv.com\/"}},{"@type":"Comment","@id":"https:\/\/thehomeground.asia\/destinations\/singapore\/dear-son-your-fathers-absence-is-not-for-a-lack-of-love\/#Comment2","dateCreated":"2026-04-28 13:53:01","description":"This content stands out from the rest.","author":{"@type":"Person","name":"new balance running men's","url":"https:\/\/globalshoepalace.com\/product-tag\/new-balance-men-running-shoes"}},{"@type":"Comment","@id":"https:\/\/thehomeground.asia\/destinations\/singapore\/dear-son-your-fathers-absence-is-not-for-a-lack-of-love\/#Comment3","dateCreated":"2026-04-25 11:27:32","description":"This should be a required read.","author":{"@type":"Person","name":"Salomon genesis trail running shoes","url":"https:\/\/globalshoepalace.com\/product-category\/women\/Salomon-Women-Shoes"}}],"about":["Community","Local","Singapore"],"wordCount":1670,"keywords":["children","covid-19","doctor","frontliners","healthcare","parents"],"articleBody":"Dear M,You had just turned two at the end of the month.\u00a0My heart swelled with joy marveling at your presence, your energetic spirit, and your ever-growing penchant for making your mother\u2019s heart stop with your active antics and miraculous need for little sleep to function. Your existence had undoubtedly changed our world \u2014 and I couldn\u2019t believe you\u2019d only been here for two years. As your awareness grew, and your sensitivity to people\u2019s presence, spirit, and intimacy with you sharpened, there were some important things that I would love for you to know, as your mind wandered to these places in more difficult times.“Your existence had undoubtedly changed our world \u2014 and I couldn\u2019t believe you\u2019d only been here for two years.” (Photo source: Canva)You were born into a strange world, where people\u2019s faces were covered, and many became terribly ill. While we had been spared so far from this overbearing disease, our lives were affected in other ways. The people you spent the most time with were me, your ah-ma and kong kong, and uncles. We were incredibly lucky that ah-ma and kong kong had a house big enough for all of us to live in. That in itself gave you the experience of being surrounded by many adults who loved you immensely \u2014\u00a0and also, frankly, a sane mother.\u00a0And on occasions, our lives were sweetened with the joy of your father\u2019s presence, when he was\u00a0truly present in mind, heart and spirit.Yet, I knew in my heart that it wasn\u2019t enough for you, and you deserve more than this. Your eyes sometimes met your father\u2019s with unfamiliarity, especially when he had been away for his night calls. In your moments of anger and sadness,\u00a0which was\u00a0overwhelming\u00a0for that little body of yours, you pushed your papa away, and cried for me. Even when he was the only one there because I was away, admitted at the hospital for some strange illness, or had to attend to matters outside the home,\u00a0you would\u00a0wait,\u00a0crying in the arms of your exhausted father\u00a0for me. It was in those fleeting moments of rejection, that my heart mourned for what could have been a beautiful father-son relationship, if not for your dad\u2019s vocation of being a doctor.I want you to know that your papa loves you immensely. I would say equally or even more than I love you. We sometimes take people\u2019s absences to mean that they don\u2019t love us, or\u00a0care for us. However, it was not the same for your papa. As a newly-minted doctor in the midst of a global pandemic then, he really tried his best.Do you remember the nights when I put you down to sleep without papa around? Those nights, you would crawl into my lap with your favourite book as we poured over the pages, and you soaked in every single image and colour on the page. Before we went to bed, I would always try to call papa \u2014 but most times, I had to tell you, \u201caww,\u00a0papa is busy tonight, but I\u2019m sure we will see him tomorrow\u201d. Then I would stroke your hair and nurse you to sleep.On special nights, the ringing on the phone transformed into a beautiful image of your papa, although quite oddly dressed. I remember your smile when you saw your papa on the phone, possibly amused at the funny attire he had on.\u00a0That light blue funny \u201chat\u201d, a very, very big mask, and sometimes what looked like a raincoat over his blue clothes.\u00a0Trust me, he wasn\u2019t enjoying himself in the rain as you did when youenjo donned your blue raincoat when the skies opened up. Those nights were hard, hard nights for your papa, physically, mentally and emotionally. He didn\u2019t want to be away from you, but he had to. In fact, those nights he didn\u2019t sleep. He would stay awake, working nonstop for 30 hours. You must have been thinking that it was pretty cool to stay awake because you were at the stage where, for some reason, sleep was a chore\u00a0but frankly it sucked for an adult. Worse still, when he got home, he just spent the day sleeping. To you, it probably seemed like he had been absent on purpose for two full days in a week, but on a pretty unlucky week, he was away for as many as four days as he had two night calls to fulfill. This unfortunately came with the job\u00a0and I was hoping that it would change before you reached your 10th birthday.“During those waking moments, your father\u2019s heart was torn. He wanted very much to be with you but he had tons of work to complete.” (Photo source: Canva)Yes, M, I can hear you protesting as you read this \u2014 \u201cbut he wasn\u2019t even playing with me when he was here. It was very rare that he ever really played with me.\u201d\u00a0Oh, my dear son, yes you deserve more than this. I don\u2019t want to make excuses for this experience in your childhood. All I can tell you is that during those waking moments, your father\u2019s heart was torn. He wanted very much to be with you but he had tons of work to complete. He had to prepare presentations on complex cases of his patients, read medical journals to figure out\u00a0why someone\u2019s lung is filled with water,\u00a0and also study for difficult exams. It is an unenviable position to be in. I think you may understand in about 15 years\u00a0if\u00a0you should decide to enroll in a junior college and somehow finds that your existence revolves around school. You need to fight for time to rest, be with your loved ones, and really engage in the things you love to do.During those times when I was feeling down, and he was stern, all I can say, dear M, is that he was exhausted. He didn\u2019t have the capacity to regulate\u00a0his or\u00a0your\u00a0emotions, especially those moments when you were throwing tantrums. You were such a head-strong baby \u2014 something I have been incredibly amazed by and am assured it will serve you well in your future endeavours. However, this also means that when you don\u2019t get what you want,\u00a0you would burst into a storm of anger. Then you were inconsolable but your cries could only be soothed by hugs, support, and\u00a0still\u00a0holding our boundaries. Your papa didn\u2019t grow up in an environment that allowed for such emotions \u2014 and he was and still is trying to learn. You can trust me on this, because I had paid a few hundred dollars for your papa and me to attend online parenting courses together. He actually watches them, reflects on his relationship with you, and tries to do better. However, the nature of his job often demanded all of his energy, and little was left to deal gently with you.How do I know your papa loves you? I\u2019ve coaxed him many times to quit his job, one that forces\u00a0him to choose between you and his patients. I calculated our finances and also worked out how we could live on just one salary. But he refuses \u2014 even when he is feeling so down about his life. Whenever I ask why, it always comes back to\u00a0you.\u00a0He wants to give you the best that life has to offer. We wanted to be able to still send you to the pre-school you will love, enrich your life with beautiful experiences, and where needed, papa wants to make sure that I can leave my job to spend time with you, raise you, and provide you with the comfort and care you deserve.His heart aches for you \u2014 and he never knows how to put them into words. Not because he is a man, but because it is hard to admit that on most days, his job has to come between the both of you. It isn\u2019t so simple to quit. In fact, he spends most of his free time savouring every picture, every video, every glimpse of what he had missed of you as an infant and a toddler \u2014 those times that would never be turned back for him. It is a heartbreak he often nurses quietly.\u00a0“It is hard to admit that on most days, his job has to come between the both of\u00a0you.” (Photo source: Canva)In moments where he wished he could be\u00a0your comfort, you would run into my arms, violently pushing him away, he would whisper, \u201cHe doesn\u2019t want me, Vic.\u201d\u00a0I wanted to hug you both at the same time because this isn’t what the both of you signed up for. He knows that it is hard to earn his place with you because he\u00a0hasn\u2019t and been there.I don\u2019t know what the future holds for your papa. I can only hope that it changes, for your sake, his sake, and my sake. None of us expected the toll his job would take on our family. It is a cross we are burdened to bear, but few would understand.\u00a0Many people scoffed at doctors who complained of burnout, calling them \u201csnowflakes\u201d or \u201cungrateful\u201d for the privilege of serving as doctors. Few know or even see the impact it has on us, the doctor\u2019s family and supporters, who bear the pain of living with an absentee father and husband. Never let their criticisms feed your thoughts of your papa not loving you.And so, my son, in those times where you wonder if your father loves you,\u00a0know that he made every effort within his means, to love you, even in these unforgiving times.Love,Your \u201cMe-Ma\u201dJoin the conversations on TheHomeGround Asia\u2019s\u00a0Facebook\u00a0and\u00a0Instagram, and get the latest updates via\u00a0Telegram."},{"@context":"https:\/\/schema.org\/","@type":"BreadcrumbList","itemListElement":[{"@type":"ListItem","position":1,"name":"Destinations","item":"https:\/\/thehomeground.asia\/destinations\/#breadcrumbitem"},{"@type":"ListItem","position":2,"name":"Singapore","item":"https:\/\/thehomeground.asia\/destinations\/\/singapore\/#breadcrumbitem"},{"@type":"ListItem","position":3,"name":"Dear son, your father\u2019s absence is not for a lack of love","item":"https:\/\/thehomeground.asia\/destinations\/singapore\/dear-son-your-fathers-absence-is-not-for-a-lack-of-love\/#breadcrumbitem"}]}]