[{"@context":"https:\/\/schema.org\/","@type":"NewsArticle","@id":"https:\/\/thehomeground.asia\/destinations\/singapore\/growing-up-with-a-special-needs-sibling\/#NewsArticle","mainEntityOfPage":"https:\/\/thehomeground.asia\/destinations\/singapore\/growing-up-with-a-special-needs-sibling\/","headline":"Growing up with a special needs sibling","name":"Growing up with a special needs sibling","description":"Having a sibling with special needs is a reality some children are born into and the parents\u2019 attention is often occupied by the children with impairment. It is the needs of these \u201cnormal\u201d kids that often get neglected and have their stories untold. Additionally, an often overlooked consideration is that these siblings would inherit the […]","datePublished":"2021-09-16","dateModified":"2022-04-15","author":{"@type":"Person","@id":"https:\/\/thehomeground.asia\/author\/rachel-teng\/#Person","name":"Rachel Teng","url":"https:\/\/thehomeground.asia\/author\/rachel-teng\/","identifier":367,"image":{"@type":"ImageObject","@id":"https:\/\/thehomeground.asia\/wp-content\/uploads\/Rachel_Teng-100x100.jpg","url":"https:\/\/thehomeground.asia\/wp-content\/uploads\/Rachel_Teng-100x100.jpg","height":96,"width":96}},"publisher":{"@type":"Organization","name":"TheHomeGround Asia","logo":{"@type":"ImageObject","@id":"https:\/\/thehomeground.asia\/wp-content\/uploads\/photo_2021-07-22-222533.jpeg","url":"https:\/\/thehomeground.asia\/wp-content\/uploads\/photo_2021-07-22-222533.jpeg","width":640,"height":640}},"image":{"@type":"ImageObject","@id":"https:\/\/thehomeground.asia\/wp-content\/uploads\/1631803603981_Growing_up_with_a_special_needs_sibling_Eve_Cher2C_Jonathan_Ng2C_and_Cara_Ann_Lee_1280_X_626_px.jpg","url":"https:\/\/thehomeground.asia\/wp-content\/uploads\/1631803603981_Growing_up_with_a_special_needs_sibling_Eve_Cher2C_Jonathan_Ng2C_and_Cara_Ann_Lee_1280_X_626_px.jpg","height":626,"width":1280},"url":"https:\/\/thehomeground.asia\/destinations\/singapore\/growing-up-with-a-special-needs-sibling\/","video":{"@context":"http:\/\/schema.org\/","@type":"VideoObject","@id":"https:\/\/www.youtube.com\/watch?v=aQPeWP1WX8Q#VideoObject","contentUrl":"https:\/\/www.youtube.com\/watch?v=aQPeWP1WX8Q","name":"Enabling Guide (2021)","description":"The Enabling Guide is a first-stop resource portal for persons with disabilities and their caregivers to get information on disability schemes and services available in Singapore. The portal also guides users in making informed decisions about different service options across the life stages.\n\nFull descriptive transcript here: https:\/\/docs.google.com\/document\/d\/1xGWukj4O4I8yGlKc1Z58GPLV-gfkxoxU\/edit?usp=sharing&ouid=100876424658945901449&rtpof=true&sd=true\n\nFor more information, visit the Enabling Guide: http:\/\/www.enablingguide.sg","thumbnailUrl":["https:\/\/i.ytimg.com\/vi\/aQPeWP1WX8Q\/default.jpg","https:\/\/i.ytimg.com\/vi\/aQPeWP1WX8Q\/mqdefault.jpg","https:\/\/i.ytimg.com\/vi\/aQPeWP1WX8Q\/hqdefault.jpg","https:\/\/i.ytimg.com\/vi\/aQPeWP1WX8Q\/sddefault.jpg","https:\/\/i.ytimg.com\/vi\/aQPeWP1WX8Q\/maxresdefault.jpg"],"uploadDate":"2021-09-14T01:27:44+00:00","duration":"PT1M40S","embedUrl":"https:\/\/www.youtube.com\/embed\/aQPeWP1WX8Q","publisher":{"@type":"Organization","@id":"https:\/\/www.youtube.com\/channel\/UCVfXr9NBxHEoaFx1dqnMOIQ#Organization","url":"https:\/\/www.youtube.com\/channel\/UCVfXr9NBxHEoaFx1dqnMOIQ","name":"SG Enable","description":"Set up by the Ministry of Social and Family Development in July 2013, SG Enable is the focal agency for the disability sector in Singapore, dedicated to enabling persons with disabilities and building an inclusive society. 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The cream feels smooth and tidy on the skin, the \u0432\u0402\u0459lite looks fresh and has a regular whiff, and the pen is presumably the easiest product to turn to account on the go. Nothing feels tawdry or rushed. The packaging is neat, and the products resemble the descriptions well.","author":{"@type":"Person","name":"JeromeImand","url":""}},{"@type":"Comment","@id":"https:\/\/thehomeground.asia\/destinations\/singapore\/growing-up-with-a-special-needs-sibling\/#Comment2","dateCreated":"2026-04-20 08:31:23","description":"Can you be more specific about the content of your article? After reading it, I still have some doubts. Hope you can help me.","author":{"@type":"Person","name":"usdt \u30c1\u30e3\u30fc\u30c8","url":"https:\/\/accounts.binance.com\/ar\/register-person?ref=FIHEGIZ8"}}],"about":["Community","Featured","Local","Singapore"],"wordCount":1709,"keywords":["family","family planning","future","neglect","pressure","siblings","special needs"],"articleBody":"Having a sibling with special needs is a reality some children are born into and the parents\u2019 attention is often occupied by the children with impairment. It is the needs of these \u201cnormal\u201d kids that often get neglected and have their stories untold. Additionally, an often overlooked consideration is that these siblings would inherit the role of lifelong caretakers, causing feelings of resentment and stress. TheHomeGround Asia speaks to three individuals to find out how growing up with a special needs sibling has affected their worldview, family dynamics, and their plans for the future.We often hear from parents of special needs children. But what about their siblings? Why are they not routinely talked about? Do they feel overshadowed by their special needs brothers or sisters? When they are older, how far are they willing to go to take care of their kins who have disabilities?Special needs = special treatment?\u00a0Growing up with a brother with autism essentially made student Jonathan Ng, 25, feel like he never really had a brother. \u201cI\u2019d never really considered him an actual person in a sense that I can\u2019t hold a conversation with him about anything important,\u201d he says. \u201cI can only give him instructions like, \u2018lower the volume\u2019.\u201d\u00a0Mr Ng used to fantasise about what it would be like if his brother wasn\u2019t on the spectrum. Oh, the kind of conversations they would have.\u00a0His brother Joshua, who is two years younger, has the mental age of a three to four-year-old child. Joshua spends his day at Eden School, and enjoys watching kids cartoons like Sesame Street, or playing old school computer games when he is home.\u00a0Growing up, Mr Ng did not understand why his parents treated them differently. \u201cIt felt like my parents allowed him to get away with a lot because of his condition,\u201d he says.\u00a0\u201cI wish my parents had explained things a little bit more, instead of just telling me that Josh is special and that we need to give him special treatment because that always made me feel that they weren\u2019t putting in any effort. I actually thought they were being hypocrites,\u201d he adds.\u00a0When the brothers fight, things used to get physical. \u201cMy parents would try to mediate, but I think they didn\u2019t know how to explain the situation very well, and would usually take the shortest route out without much care for how I felt,\u201d Mr Ng recalls.\u00a0Going away for his National Service and then to university was what gave Mr Ng new perspectives on how he could have treated his brother and family differently, and he believes that the physical distance and time apart allowed him to mature. \u201cIt was also nice finding out that a friend has a special needs sibling. We were able to share similar issues that we went through,\u201d he adds.\u00a0These days, Joshua still has his difficult moments, and would sometimes shove their mother or youngest brother, but he continues to be afraid of Mr Ng. \u201cI used to be violent with him when we were kids, so whenever I go near him now, he\u2019d flinch a little from the memory, but I don\u2019t ever hit him.\u201d\u00a0Mr Ng wishes that he had treated his brother with a little more kindness when they were growing up, but as the pressures of adulting set in, the looming prospect of him being his brother\u2019s lifelong caretaker has put significant stress on Mr Ng. \u201cI\u2019ve been thinking about moving overseas,\u201d he says. \u201cBut if I set up my life abroad and my parents pass, then I would probably have to uproot again and come back to take care of Josh.\u201dTheir father has set up a trust fund for Joshua, but the responsibility of taking care of him is highly likely to fall on Nr Ng, since he is the eldest of the three boys. Also, despite a handful of hospice facilities in Singapore that will help take care of Joshua, Mr Ng still believes that cultural factors contribute to the lack of supply of such resources. \u201cThey definitely have more of those in America, but here, it\u2019s like a \u2018take care of them until they die\u2019 situation,\u201d he says.\u00a0\u201cI sometimes worry because it seems like my family is just postponing the conversation about what we would do with Josh in the future. It seems we are always uncomfortable with tough conversations like this,\u201d Mr Ng adds.\u00a0Jonathan Ng, 25 (right), and his brother, Joshua, 23 \u2014 who has autism. (Photo courtesy of Jonathan Ng)Uncertain future for lifelong caretakers\u00a0Like Mr Ng, Cara Ann Lee\u2019s only sibling has special needs. Matthew, 21, has Down syndrome \u2014 a chromosomal condition that develops in the womb, yet her parents went ahead with the pregnancy. \u201cI don\u2019t think they\u2019d be able to live with themselves if they didn\u2019t,\u201d says the 26-year-old. \u201cBut I see what my parents go through every day and I definitely couldn\u2019t do the same.\u201dThough she knows she can never have a typical sibling relationship with Matthew, Ms Lee finds the little things about him endearing. \u201cHe sits in a corner and stares at running water for hours,\u201d she says. \u201cHe also likes to watch the National Day Parade on TV over and over again\u2014 the one from 2019, specifically.\u201d\u00a0Ms Lee volunteered at the Son-Rise program, which allows participants to interact closely with special needs children with the aim of joining them, not changing them; and that was one of her biggest takeaways. One of the boys there, for example, really likes movie credits, so he would find things to line up like movie credits repeatedly and the volunteers would do the same alongside him.\u201cI joined that programme because I wanted to understand Matt just a little bit better,\u201d she says. \u201cBut I also realised that there\u2019s no single template that applies to them, and every special needs child is unique.\u201d\u00a0Regardless, it wasn\u2019t always easy for Ms Lee to come to terms with having a brother with special needs. She says she found it scarily relatable when she watched a scene in the Pangdemonium play Falling.\u00a0\u201cThe mother dreamt that her autistic son choked on something and died, and the sister started celebrating because she could finally live her life,\u201d she says. \u201cI thought, it\u2019s bad that I resonate with this, right? Sometimes I do wish he did not exist because it\u2019s a lifelong commitment for me.\u201d\u00a0Ms Lee says that it was also a big consideration for her partner Trevor Martens-Wong, 26, especially when they first started dating.\u00a0\u201cWe had a long discussion about this and I think a lot of my repressed feelings about Matt came up then, because I honestly do not want to take care of him in the future,\u201d says Ms Lee, who adds that she understands if her partner does not want to stay in the relationship because of this.\u00a0She believes that his attitude towards their now-shared responsibility has since evolved greatly. \u201cI think prior to this, taking care of kids or having anyone dependent on him was a big no-no,\u201d she says.\u00a0Now, he takes the lead when it comes to planning for Matthew in the long run. In choosing their future home, Ms Lee says it is her partner who brought up the fact about getting an extra room in case Matthew needs to live with them in future. \u201cIt wasn\u2019t even in my consideration,\u201d she says. \u201cI can tell he\u2019s not excited about it, but he does things like this and I\u2019m really grateful for it.\u201dCara Ann Lee, 26, and her brother, Matthew Lee, 21, whose favourite pastime is swimming. (Photo courtesy of Cara Ann Lee)Early exposure is keyStudent Sebastian Gan, 11, has understood from a young age that he needed to be very patient when interacting with his older brother, Aloysius, who is 16 and has cerebral palsy.\u00a0\u201cI think some people think that he\u2019s not very intelligent because they don\u2019t know that cerebral palsy only affects [his] muscles,\u201d he says confidently. \u201cHe can think perfectly fine, but speaking is sometimes hard for him and his words may not be very clear.\u201dSebastian also accompanies his brother, who is a Boccia athlete, to his games. \u201cBoccia is a disability sport, but it still requires a lot of strategy and thinking,\u201d he says, adding that the family also plays the game together on weekends.\u00a0Mr Loh Ngiap Kiang, Pathway and Participation, who oversees the sport of Boccia at the Singapore Disability Sports Council, says that Sebastian\u2019s early exposure to an inclusive community through Boccia has allowed him to grow up with a unique attitude towards persons with disabilities. \u201cHe has gotten to interact with other special needs athletes and their family members who play as ramp assistants,\u201d he says.\u00a0Sebastian\u2019s mother Eve Cher believes that including Sebastian in her focus on Aloysius has made him mature a lot earlier than his peers. \u201cWe tried to constantly explain to Sebastian why things are the way they are, so he won\u2019t have to question why he doesn\u2019t get as much attention as his brother,\u201d she says.\u00a0The brothers sleep in separate bedrooms, but every Friday and Saturday, Sebastian would have a sleepover in his brother\u2019s room to catch up with him and find out about his school life, Boccia games, or help him with his homework.\u00a0\u201cSometimes, I get upset with my brother because I don\u2019t really understand what he\u2019s saying,\u201d he says. But the brothers use symbol-based communication tools like the app Proloquo2Go to stay connected.\u00a0Sebastian looks forward to becoming his brother\u2019s Boccia ramp assistant. \u201cCurrently, my father is his ramp assistant. But years from now, I\u2019ll do that, and my father will be the coach,\u201d he says.\u00a0Sebastian Gan (right) and his brother Aloysius, who has cerebral palsy. Sebastian hopes to be Aloysius’ ramp assistant in Boccia in future. (right image) (Photo courtesy of Eve Cher)For information on resources available for loved ones with special needs, check out SG Enable.\u00a0Join the conversations on TheHomeGround Asia’s Facebook and Instagram, and get the latest updates via Telegram."},{"@context":"https:\/\/schema.org\/","@type":"BreadcrumbList","itemListElement":[{"@type":"ListItem","position":1,"name":"Destinations","item":"https:\/\/thehomeground.asia\/destinations\/#breadcrumbitem"},{"@type":"ListItem","position":2,"name":"Singapore","item":"https:\/\/thehomeground.asia\/destinations\/\/singapore\/#breadcrumbitem"},{"@type":"ListItem","position":3,"name":"Growing up with a special needs sibling","item":"https:\/\/thehomeground.asia\/destinations\/singapore\/growing-up-with-a-special-needs-sibling\/#breadcrumbitem"}]}]