[{"@context":"https:\/\/schema.org\/","@type":"NewsArticle","@id":"https:\/\/thehomeground.asia\/destinations\/singapore\/stories-of-widowers-finding-love-after-loss\/#NewsArticle","mainEntityOfPage":"https:\/\/thehomeground.asia\/destinations\/singapore\/stories-of-widowers-finding-love-after-loss\/","headline":"Stories of widow(ers) finding love after loss","name":"Stories of widow(ers) finding love after loss","description":"19 years on, Jessica Ho still gets emotional when describing the circumstances of her late husband\u2019s death. \u201c[Then], I worked during the day, and taught at night as a tutor. Most of the time, [my late husband] would pick up the children at night, and take dinner from my mum\u2019s house,\u201d she describes. \u201cThat day, […]","datePublished":"2021-08-30","dateModified":"2022-04-16","author":{"@type":"Person","@id":"https:\/\/thehomeground.asia\/author\/maisie_leong_ming_en_liew\/#Person","name":"Maisie Leong and Ming En Liew","url":"https:\/\/thehomeground.asia\/author\/maisie_leong_ming_en_liew\/","identifier":792,"image":{"@type":"ImageObject","@id":"https:\/\/secure.gravatar.com\/avatar\/347eae1ecec9458949a313daadac8799b87d1625248c4523f3c055a5cec89e16?s=96&d=mm&r=g","url":"https:\/\/secure.gravatar.com\/avatar\/347eae1ecec9458949a313daadac8799b87d1625248c4523f3c055a5cec89e16?s=96&d=mm&r=g","height":96,"width":96}},"publisher":{"@type":"Organization","name":"TheHomeGround Asia","logo":{"@type":"ImageObject","@id":"https:\/\/thehomeground.asia\/wp-content\/uploads\/photo_2021-07-22-222533.jpeg","url":"https:\/\/thehomeground.asia\/wp-content\/uploads\/photo_2021-07-22-222533.jpeg","width":640,"height":640}},"image":{"@type":"ImageObject","@id":"https:\/\/thehomeground.asia\/wp-content\/uploads\/1630406267747_Stories_of_widow28ers29_finding_love_after_loss_Canva_1280_X_626_px.jpg","url":"https:\/\/thehomeground.asia\/wp-content\/uploads\/1630406267747_Stories_of_widow28ers29_finding_love_after_loss_Canva_1280_X_626_px.jpg","height":626,"width":1280},"url":"https:\/\/thehomeground.asia\/destinations\/singapore\/stories-of-widowers-finding-love-after-loss\/","commentCount":"1","comment":[{"@type":"Comment","@id":"https:\/\/thehomeground.asia\/destinations\/singapore\/stories-of-widowers-finding-love-after-loss\/#Comment1","dateCreated":"2026-05-03 16:56:35","description":"I don't think the title of your article matches the content lol. Just kidding, mainly because I had some doubts after reading the article. https:\/\/www.binance.bh\/register?ref=IXBIAFVY","author":{"@type":"Person","name":"skapa binance-konto","url":"https:\/\/accounts.binance.com\/register\/person?ref=QCGZMHR6"}}],"about":["Community","Local","Singapore"],"wordCount":1973,"articleBody":"19 years on, Jessica Ho still gets emotional when describing the circumstances of her late husband\u2019s death.\u201c[Then], I worked during the day, and taught at night as a tutor. Most of the time, [my late husband] would pick up the children at night, and take dinner from my mum\u2019s house,\u201d she describes. \u201cThat day, he was riding a bicycle to pick up dinner from my mum, and he met with an accident. A lorry knocked him down.\u201d\u00a0Soon after, she received a call from the police, and immediately rushed down to the hospital where she waited in fear with her family.\u201cWhen the doctor came out, his [scrubs] and shoes were covered with blood. I looked at it, and said, \u2018Oh no, this is not good\u2019,\u201d she recounts. The doctor went on to explain the numerous injuries her husband had suffered, and told her that they were doing their best to save his life.\u00a0\u00a0But the next time the doctor spoke with them was to bring the news of her husband\u2019s death: \u201cHe told me \u2018I\u2019m so sorry that your husband didn\u2019t make it\u2019.\u201d\u00a0Ms Ho was at a loss.\u00a0\u201cIt\u2019s so sudden,\u201d she says. \u201c[Earlier that day], at five something, I called him and we talked on the phone\u2026 Then, at seven something, I received a call from the police. When I saw his body, I could not believe it, I could not cry\u2026 Suddenly, he\u2019s gone. I cannot accept it.\u201d\u00a0Ms Ho would continue to grieve the loss of her husband for five years. She says, \u201cI just cannot cope because we were very, very close\u2026 I cried for so long.\u201d\u00a0She adds: \u201cIn the beginning, when I lost my husband, I told myself, \u2018Give me three years [to] manage my grief and I will walk out of this.\u2019 Three years later, I was still [in shambles], crying and crying.\u201d\u00a0\u201cAt times, I looked at my bed and said, \u2018Huh, how come [he] never come back for so long?\u2019 I still think that way \u2013 why did he go off for so long? It\u2019s so difficult to take it, and I refused to believe that he was gone.\u201d\u00a0Realising that she could not continue living this way, Ms Ho turned to her faith to get her through: \u201cI told God, I really cannot do it myself, I will surrender, You can take over.\u201d\u00a0With the support of her loved ones and the guidance of her counsellor, she eventually managed to walk out of the grief five years after her husband\u2019s passing. A few years later, she met her current husband.\u00a0Keeping the faith to find love once againAs she started to heal, Ms Ho realised that she was ready to enter into a new relationship. She began to pray for God to bless her with a partner. In the first nine years after her husband\u2019s passing, no such individual came by. But, two months shy of her late husband\u2019s 10th death anniversary, she had a serendipitous encounter with her current husband.The two met on a Christian dating site called be2. Ms Ho had decided to give the site a shot after being mistakenly charged for membership, and her would-be spouse was using the one-time free trial offered.\u00a0\u201cAs a Christian, I look for a God-fearing man. Somehow, a lot of things in his [her current husband\u2019s] profile matched my interest\u2026 It was a 95 or 97 per cent match. From there, we communicated,\u201d she recounts.\u00a0Jessica Ho with her second husband Edmund, on vacation at The Three Sisters, Sydney, Australia, 2015. (Photo courtesy of Jessica Ho)The two became close friends, as she supported him through the aftermath of an ugly separation. \u201cI went through a very difficult time with him,\u201d she says. \u201cMy prayer partner even told me, anybody else would have given up, [and asked], \u2018Jessica, how are you hanging on?\u2019\u201dStill, she stayed by his side, firm in her conviction that he was the right companion for the next chapter of her life. She says, \u201cEven though he is a divorcee, I knew that if God allowed things to happen, He would walk us through this tough journey.\u201dFour years later, they got married.\u00a0A widower\u2019s story of loss of healing\u00a0While Ms Ho has found her happy ending, the story of a widower who wished only to be known as Mr Sim is still a work-in-progress.\u00a0In 2016, Mr Sim\u2019s late wife was diagnosed with a rare form of cancer. They went for multiple treatment options, all to no avail. Eventually, nearly a year after her diagnosis, she passed away.\u00a0\u201cI felt super lost immediately after I lost her,\u201d he says. \u201cI became a hermit for two years. I isolated myself, and did everything [on my own]. I didn\u2019t meet anyone.\u201d\u00a0\u201cGrieving is difficult. There\u2019s this phase [when you grieve alone]. You can\u2019t expect anyone to understand the situation you\u2019re going through\u2026 I didn\u2019t manage to meet anyone [going through] the same circumstances, so I locked myself up.\u201dMr Sim took to illustration and exploring art after his wife\u2019s passing. Pop culture elements, such as the game Among Us, are some of the sources he draws inspiration from. (Photo courtesy of Mr Sim) Besides working and caring for his son, Mr Sim turned to illustrating to cope with his grief. He says: \u201cI\u2018ve been sharing [my artwork] on Instagram as a form of reaching out to friends\u2026 It\u2019s the first step to integrate myself back into society.\u201d\u00a0\u201cThat\u2019s how I [coped] for the two years, rather than just staring into blankness and constantly reminding myself of the situation that I\u2019m in,\u201d he adds. Gradually, he started to socialise with others again in the third year after his wife\u2019s passing.\u00a0Four years on, Mr Sim now believes he is ready to re-enter the world of dating: \u201cYou can\u2019t always rely on your friends every day. After work, I normally grab something to bite or have dinner, and it\u2019s mostly by myself. Until now, I still do that\u2026 I decided maybe I should give myself a chance to be loved by someone, or liked by someone, hoping that [they] can grow with [me].\u201dThis illustration pays homage to the beverage Milo, which his son loves. (Photo courtesy of Mr Sim)His son is also a pivotal reason why he decided to try dating again.\u00a0\u201cWhen we go out together, just the both of us, he always asks me: \u2018Can we have another person?\u2019 Maybe he also wants some motherly love,\u201d he muses.\u00a0Mr Sim began his tentative foray back into the dating world by signing up for dating apps. While it has been a daunting experience, he approaches it with an open mind, viewing it as an opportunity to expand his social circle.\u00a0\u201cI like streetwear and sneakers\u2026 so I was thinking of reaching out to people who share this common interest, but at the same time, also hoping that it may turn out to be something more than just friends,\u201d he says.\u00a0Challenges in dating as a widow(er)With heavier responsibilities to bear and a son in tow, Mr Sim admits that he can no longer approach dating with the same mindset he did in his younger years. Now, his son is the priority.\u00a0\u201cI can\u2019t afford to try,\u201d he says. \u201cIf my kid is so accustomed to you, then after that, [the relationship] breaks off, it\u2019s another loss for him\u2026 I have to make sure it works first, then embark on the journey.\u201d\u00a0The process of meeting new people also comes with a unique set of challenges as a widower.Since Mr Sim\u2019s dating profile clearly indicates that he is a widower with a child, he has sometimes found himself in the position of providing advice to those he meets: \u201cAs a friend, I would advise them on their relationship\u2026 Then after that, no sound [from them].\u201d\u00a0Besides being taken as a sounding board, Mr Sim adds that there is a perception that widow(ers) are \u201cnot stable\u201d or \u201cemo\u201d (street lingo to describe someone who is constantly sad).\u00a0\u201cPeople in our situation need time to grieve,\u201d he admits. \u201cBut after grieving, we will be like everyone else\u2026 Off and on, sometimes, during the death anniversary, it is quite unavoidable to express some of your grief or emotion.\u201d\u201cIf my friend or a stranger [was in] this situation, I\u2019m able to empathise. But some people just have this [perception], \u2018Wah, this one is emo\u2019. They will stay away from you,\u201d he says.\u00a0He shares an example of a widow he connected with through Facebook, highlighting how she has lost several groups of friends because of this: \u201cPeople decide to just let her be by herself. It\u2019s quite sad.\u201d\u00a0\u201cI\u2019m not too sure whether it is a stigma, but maybe people in life [face] so much negativity that they will tend to stay away from us [widow(ers)] who are potentially more negative,\u201d he says. \u201cThe fact of the matter is, we\u2019re not. I\u2019m actually quite a jovial person.\u201d\u00a0\u201cMaybe it\u2019s just a misconception of what people think we are, and it\u2019s very difficult to convince people that you\u2019re okay,\u201d he adds. It is an unavoidable scenario that Mr Sim has learned to take in his stride. \u201cYou just move along and move ahead,\u201d he says.\u00a0Misconceptions aside, Ms Ho adds that widow(ers) are sometimes also misunderstood, especially since the community has a tendency to keep new relationships under wraps, until one is certain of its longevity.\u00a0\u201cWhen a widow gets into another relationship, you don’t go around and tell people, ‘Hey, I got a new boyfriend.’ Because you don’t know whether this relationship [will] work out,\u201d she explains.\u00a0Ms Ho with her second husband in Hokkaid\u014d, Japan, 2018. (Photo courtesy of Jessica Ho)\u201cSo you won’t tell until it’s confirmed. [When] you get married, some of the friends may misunderstand you, [ask] why you keep [it] from them.\u201dScepticism over potential partners\u2019 motivation for getting into a relationship is another concern. Loved ones may wonder if new partners harbour ulterior motives for pursuing relationships, such as financial incentives.\u00a0Another common concern includes their children not giving their new relationship their blessing, as they may be fearful of new responsibilities and unknown expectations from new family members.Learning to move forward after a lossChallenges aside, Mr Sim remains hopeful that he will eventually meet someone he can settle down with, and encourages others in the community not to lose heart as well. He says, \u201cFor widows and widowers, it’s not the end of the world. You still have a chance to find [a partner].\u201d\u201cIf someone can accept you, you will be accepted even if you are widowed or divorced.\u201dMs Ho advises those in a similar position to maintain an open mindset when seeking a potential partner, as some may have a specific type of partner in mind, and suggests that they not limit themselves.\u201cThis new [partner] won’t be the same as your [late] husband\u2026 You tend to paint a picture that the future partner must be [a certain way],\u201d she says. \u201cGive yourself a chance to meet somebody.\u201d\u00a0\u201cDon\u2019t compare,\u201d Mr Sim adds. \u201cWhat\u2019s the point of comparing? Everyone is different. Instead of comparing, I\u2019m actually looking at [the prospective partner\u2019s] personality, and whether it will match [with mine].\u201d\u00a0\u201cComparing is very unfair, and a bit judgemental, if you ask me. Everyone on the [dating] platform is finding a new beginning.\u201d\u00a0Join the conversations on TheHomeGround Asia’s Facebook and Instagram, and get the latest updates via Telegram."},{"@context":"https:\/\/schema.org\/","@type":"BreadcrumbList","itemListElement":[{"@type":"ListItem","position":1,"name":"Destinations","item":"https:\/\/thehomeground.asia\/destinations\/#breadcrumbitem"},{"@type":"ListItem","position":2,"name":"Singapore","item":"https:\/\/thehomeground.asia\/destinations\/\/singapore\/#breadcrumbitem"},{"@type":"ListItem","position":3,"name":"Stories of widow(ers) finding love after loss","item":"https:\/\/thehomeground.asia\/destinations\/singapore\/stories-of-widowers-finding-love-after-loss\/#breadcrumbitem"}]}]