[{"@context":"https:\/\/schema.org\/","@type":"NewsArticle","@id":"https:\/\/thehomeground.asia\/destinations\/singapore\/the-case-for-moving-out-in-singapore\/#NewsArticle","mainEntityOfPage":"https:\/\/thehomeground.asia\/destinations\/singapore\/the-case-for-moving-out-in-singapore\/","headline":"The case for moving out in Singapore","name":"The case for moving out in Singapore","description":"In many parts of Asia, moving out is often a rite of passage for those who get married, hence leaving the family home as a young, single person is still met with curiosity, raised eyebrows and questions about being an unfilial and ungrateful child. Given the cultural norm of living with one\u2019s parents, usually rent-free, […]","datePublished":"2021-05-17","dateModified":"2022-04-15","author":{"@type":"Person","@id":"https:\/\/thehomeground.asia\/author\/Maisie%20Leong\/#Person","name":"Maisie Leong","url":"https:\/\/thehomeground.asia\/author\/Maisie%20Leong\/","identifier":227,"image":{"@type":"ImageObject","@id":"https:\/\/secure.gravatar.com\/avatar\/4f5c852853ba8ed19bedc5417be7db8166064cfcb8857f5ec40bb516fab94b2d?s=96&d=mm&r=g","url":"https:\/\/secure.gravatar.com\/avatar\/4f5c852853ba8ed19bedc5417be7db8166064cfcb8857f5ec40bb516fab94b2d?s=96&d=mm&r=g","height":96,"width":96}},"publisher":{"@type":"Organization","name":"TheHomeGround Asia","logo":{"@type":"ImageObject","@id":"https:\/\/thehomeground.asia\/wp-content\/uploads\/photo_2021-07-22-222533.jpeg","url":"https:\/\/thehomeground.asia\/wp-content\/uploads\/photo_2021-07-22-222533.jpeg","width":640,"height":640}},"image":{"@type":"ImageObject","@id":"https:\/\/thehomeground.asia\/wp-content\/uploads\/1621247094444_john-t-4_ZMMBcz4fU-unsplash_1280x626.jpg","url":"https:\/\/thehomeground.asia\/wp-content\/uploads\/1621247094444_john-t-4_ZMMBcz4fU-unsplash_1280x626.jpg","height":626,"width":1280},"url":"https:\/\/thehomeground.asia\/destinations\/singapore\/the-case-for-moving-out-in-singapore\/","about":["Community","Local","Singapore"],"wordCount":2288,"articleBody":"In many parts of Asia, moving out is often a rite of passage for those who get married, hence leaving the family home as a young, single person is still met with curiosity, raised eyebrows and questions about being an unfilial and ungrateful child. Given the cultural norm of living with one\u2019s parents, usually rent-free, until one gets hitched, what compels young adults in Singapore to move out? TheHomeGround Asia hears from four individuals about the challenges and rewards of moving out, and what they have learned in the process.A strong desire for independence compelled 28-year-old Melvyn Sin to move out of his parental home after Singapore\u2019s version of a lockdown (known as circuit breaker), last year. Despite not having a job at that time, he felt that he had enough savings, and was keen to explore living by himself.\u00a0\u00a0\u201cI think at a certain point in your life, you really just want to be yourself and not get stuck in other people’s things,\u201d he explains.Breaking the news to his family was a quick affair, as he only told them of his plans three days before leaving, even packing his belongings in secret.\u00a0He recalls, \u201cI didn’t want to drag out arguments… The logic was, if I told them a month or maybe a few months before, there’s so much buffer time for them to do stuff to make me feel unwelcome and guilt trip [me], ask \u2018Why you moving out?\u2019, [or make me] get back deposit.\u201d\u00a0\u00a0In contrast, 29-year-old Chu Wong\u2019s journey to independent living stemmed from her desire to live with her then-partner in 2015. Ms Wong had returned to Singapore with him, after having lived together in Germany for two years.\u00a0\u201cIt was really strange… to come back and then to live separately,\u201d she explains. They had initially taken turns staying at each other\u2019s places but this arrangement did not suit them and they decided to rent a place together.Ms Wong\u2019s parents\u2019 initial reaction to her decision was to ask why she was wasting her money on rent, as they felt that it could have been used to offset other living expenses, or for travelling. Their opinion did not deter her: \u201cFor us it was really that independence of having your own space,\u201d she says. \u201cWe will rather sacrifice the weekend trips or the extra shopping and pay for rent, to have the independence.\u201d\u00a0An unpleasant or hostile home environment are other reasons for moving out.Four years ago, Melissa (not her real name), 30, had to leave her parents\u2019 place temporarily due to a conflict over her sexual orientation. The resulting animosity in the relationship with her parents meant that she ended up spending more time at her ex-partner\u2019s place, which helped to \u201cpace out the distance and tension\u201d between them. While she still lives with her parents now, they have not accepted any mention of queerness.\u00a0\u201cI think my parents didn’t and still don’t really have the language to deal with it,\u201d says Melissa.\u00a0\u201cMy father’s immediate reaction was to tell me to leave the house. [He told me] I should go away, and I should leave. To them, it was like, if you want this kind of lifestyle, we don’t want to see it. So if you want to lead this lifestyle you have to be away from them.\u201d\u00a0Georgie (not her real name), 30, who identifies as pansexual, moved out when she was 21 years old after she met with disapproval for bringing her then-girlfriend home.\u201cI wanted to kind of softly introduce them but not say anything particular about our relationship,\u201d she explains. \u201cBut the reaction was bad. My mum… while I went to the toilet, [told] her, \u2018my daughter’s going to marry a man.\u2019\u201dThis led to Georgie growing more distant from her parents: \u201cI kept feeling that there was a part of myself that I had to hide and kind of shove into a corner,\u201d she says. \u201cIt’s very difficult to talk about life with them because I had already moved out… So there was nothing much to say when I met them.\u201dThe challenges of moving out, and lessons learntStill, whatever the reasons that push people to leave their family home at a young age, it is a decision they do not make lightly as it comes with its challenges.Traditional attitudes in Singapore\u2019s society can negatively label those who decide to live away from their parents before they get married.\u00a0A recent commentary that shared a journalist\u2019s perspective on moving out of her parent\u2019s place sparked an online debate, with many pondering the pros and cons of living independently. While some commenters pointed out the benefits of increased independence, others questioned how moving out reflected on one\u2019s sense of filial piety.\u00a0Finding an affordable lease that meets a young person\u2019s limited means, for instance, can take time and lots of legwork.\u00a0Rental prices can vary based on factors such as the type of property, location, and amenities, from S$750 (US$561) per month for a single room in a HDB (Housing Development Board) flat, to S$1,100 per month for a single room in a condominium. \u201cEverything is on you \u2013 the responsibility, rent\u2026 Every month you have to be able to save up, calculate, [and] know when to cut your losses,\u201d Mr Sin shares, adding that he has no safety net. (Source: Serhii Yevdokymov \/ Canva)Private residential properties (including condominiums, walk up apartments and terrace houses) have a minimum rental period of three consecutive months, while a HDB flat or a bedroom in a flat must be rented out for a minimum of six months.Georgie struggled to make ends meet at the beginning. Being self-employed, she was panic-stricken during the months that she did not have money. To cover her expenses, she would do \u201cwhatever it takes, like odd jobs [and] boring jobs\u201d. There was also the stress of having to \u201cjuggle learning all these new things at a much younger age\u201d, such as paying rent, purchasing groceries and essentials, as well as managing chores.\u00a0Melissa acknowledges that moving out as a single person is often viewed as a \u201cbig deal\u201d due to the social safety net that has been constructed in Singapore, with housing policies tending to favour traditionally accepted family units. She also emphasises that the pressure to gain financial independence can weigh especially heavily on those in the queer community.\u00a0[READ: Our home: How HDB shapes the families it wants]\u201c[It\u2019s] the idea of you having to work twice as hard to get what was already laid out for normative society,\u201d she explains.\u00a0\u201cThe whole system is set up for you to buy an apartment with someone of the opposite sex and get good grades, and people will follow that path,\u201d she adds. \u201cIn comparison, you come off as impulsive… thoughtless, unfilial, selfish and obviously poor.\u201d\u00a0Mr Sin describes the social safety net as a \u201cvery templated system of life\u201d.\u00a0\u201cIt’s \u2018Get a girlfriend, get a BTO [build-to-order flat].\u2019 So it’s always moving from one system of hierarchy, which is family, then going [onto] marriage, which is another system. You never really find yourself in the middle of it,\u201d he opines.Moving out also requires adjusting one\u2019s lifestyle, which Georgie says includes allocating more time to household chores, such as cooking, cleaning, and purchasing groceries and essentials \u2013 duties that might have been taken care of by other members of the family in the childhood home.\u00a0The worst part is having to handle a lot more responsibilities, agrees Mr Sin, but he notes that living independently has enabled him to learn more about himself and his habits.\u00a0\u201cFor example, I’m a bit of a food hoarder, so when I go grocery shopping I will buy like three months in advance, thinking [I can maximise] one trip,\u201d he says. \u201cAnd that’s not really sustainable because the fridge has only so much space.\u201d\u00a0He adds that it has also furthered his growth, due to the space he had to focus on himself.\u00a0\u201cIt’s a good avenue to know what you like… [and] be flexible in your choices. Because you don’t even have to think about family that much, because you are kind of away from them, [which] gives you space to think,\u201d he says. \u201cIt can be a bit selfish, but I feel like in growth you need to be selfish.\u201dThe impact on emotional and mental health\u00a0\u00a0Despite the practical concerns that living alone entails, the benefits to one\u2019s emotional health has made it worthwhile for Georgie.\u201cEmotional independence is very important for LGBTQ people who have homophobic parents. The moment you have [it], you can begin to dream about what your life might be like,\u201d says Georgie. \u201cBefore that it’s just a cloud of trying to please people that reject you on the basis of something as innocuous as your sexual orientation.\u201d\u00a0Georgie believes that living independently leads to one gaining more self-confidence and being less likely to rely on parental validation, which she feels is especially important for those in the queer community. (Source: Ablokhin \/ Canva)In Melissa\u2019s case, having the option to live away from home has improved her mental well-being. She no longer has to \u201ctiptoe around certain expectations\u201d when it comes to handling power dynamics within her family. And she has managed to have difficult conversations with her parents, allowing her to gain a deeper understanding of where they were coming from.\u201cBefore you have that conversation with your parents, sometimes it can be a question mark. But now that they answered the question I kind of sobered up to reality and [am] able to take more measured steps in expectations and drawing boundaries,\u201d she says. \u201c[For] example, my private life would be my private life, probably for the rest of my life. It’s not something that I’ll include them in.\u201d\u00a0How moving out affects one\u2019s relationship with their family\u00a0After moving out, Ms Wong observed that the relationship with her parents, especially her mother, improved.\u00a0\u201cOver time, when she saw that I was able to support myself… she saw the value in me moving out and gaining my independence,\u201d she says.Their interactions tended to take place over meals, and revolved around learning more about her life, as there was less friction from differences in living habits.\u00a0\u201cThe conversations are a lot more pleasant, there will be more catching up, like \u2018How’s your work?\u2019, \u2018What have you been up to?\u2019,\u201d Ms Wong shares. \u201cEver since I moved out, they understand me better, and we fight a lot less.\u201dShe adds that her parents are more accepting of her decision to move out now, which she attributes partially to being financially independent and supporting herself.\u00a0\u00a0Georgie notes that moving out also compels parents to re-evaluate the relationship with their children, since the family dynamics have changed.\u201cFinancial independence accords you the freedom to leave whenever you want,\u201d she says. \u201cYour parents have to kind of reassess their relationship with you because they no longer control certain aspects of life like what you eat; everything basically.\u201dMoving out of the family home has its challenges, but with proper planning as well as a willingness to adapt and change, can offer independence and personal growth. (Source: Handiwork NYC \/ Unsplash)Advice for young people who aspire to move outWhen it comes to moving out, there is often an expectation to move to a nice space where one can have friends over and \u201clook pretty cool\u201d, says Ms Wong. But she urges aspiring renters to select places that suit their financial means, and that they can relax in.\u00a0\u201cBe certain of your finances, know that you can afford it, and then choose a place that is comfortable for you… that you can go to and wind down,\u201d she says.\u00a0Melissa advises queer individuals in a similar situation as her to build a stable social support network that includes people who can offer financial and mental health support, such as a therapist and a financial planner.\u00a0\u201cThese things really matter because they’re gonna give advice and help you lay out the rest of your life,\u201d she says.She adds that it is important for those in the queer community to \u201cdo whatever it takes to keep their chin up, have hope and work hard… To try their best to live the life that they can with the resources they have.\u201dIt is also a good idea to find people one can get along with to rent a full unit together as housemates, suggests Mr Sin, instead of a room in someone’s home. He likens the feeling of living with a landlord to that of being a perpetual guest.\u00a0\u201cThey [landlords] have so many quirks, basically they want you to just stay in your room… and don\u2019t mess with anything… While if you rent the whole thing with your friends, it really feels like you have an equal share,\u201d he elaborates.\u00a0Honest and open communication with housemates is also essential, says Ms Wong, explaining that one might expect others to know one\u2019s habits because they \u201cfeel natural\u201d, forgetting that different people behave differently.\u201cBeing able to communicate in a way that’s open and welcoming, and not attacking, is a skill that you need to have,\u201d she explains. \u201cIt’s really about being comfortable to put your demands forward, and then navigating that with other people and finding that complement.\u201dJoin the conversations on TheHomeGround Asia’s Facebook and Instagram, and get the latest updates via Telegram."},{"@context":"https:\/\/schema.org\/","@type":"BreadcrumbList","itemListElement":[{"@type":"ListItem","position":1,"name":"Destinations","item":"https:\/\/thehomeground.asia\/destinations\/#breadcrumbitem"},{"@type":"ListItem","position":2,"name":"Singapore","item":"https:\/\/thehomeground.asia\/destinations\/\/singapore\/#breadcrumbitem"},{"@type":"ListItem","position":3,"name":"The case for moving out in Singapore","item":"https:\/\/thehomeground.asia\/destinations\/singapore\/the-case-for-moving-out-in-singapore\/#breadcrumbitem"}]}]