[{"@context":"https:\/\/schema.org\/","@type":"NewsArticle","@id":"https:\/\/thehomeground.asia\/destinations\/singapore\/the-case-for-women-masturbating-and-sex-toys\/#NewsArticle","mainEntityOfPage":"https:\/\/thehomeground.asia\/destinations\/singapore\/the-case-for-women-masturbating-and-sex-toys\/","headline":"The case for women masturbating and sex toys","name":"The case for women masturbating and sex toys","description":"We do not talk nearly enough about sex and female pleasure. But when we do, what are we saying? And beyond chitchat, how do our actions fare? In the second of a two-part series on female sexuality and pleasure, TheHomeGround Asia delves into the world of female masturbation and sex toys, uncovering the misconceptions surrounding […]","datePublished":"2021-06-14","dateModified":"2021-06-14","author":{"@type":"Person","@id":"https:\/\/thehomeground.asia\/author\/Ming%20En%20Liew\/#Person","name":"Ming En Liew","url":"https:\/\/thehomeground.asia\/author\/Ming%20En%20Liew\/","identifier":132,"image":{"@type":"ImageObject","@id":"https:\/\/secure.gravatar.com\/avatar\/8fe7a89455a989038349633329a6e4ad6299388f5e1e3ea83c28126090b2314f?s=96&d=mm&r=g","url":"https:\/\/secure.gravatar.com\/avatar\/8fe7a89455a989038349633329a6e4ad6299388f5e1e3ea83c28126090b2314f?s=96&d=mm&r=g","height":96,"width":96}},"publisher":{"@type":"Organization","name":"TheHomeGround Asia","logo":{"@type":"ImageObject","@id":"https:\/\/thehomeground.asia\/wp-content\/uploads\/photo_2021-07-22-222533.jpeg","url":"https:\/\/thehomeground.asia\/wp-content\/uploads\/photo_2021-07-22-222533.jpeg","width":640,"height":640}},"image":{"@type":"ImageObject","@id":"https:\/\/thehomeground.asia\/wp-content\/uploads\/1623665522425_1280X626_283229.jpg","url":"https:\/\/thehomeground.asia\/wp-content\/uploads\/1623665522425_1280X626_283229.jpg","height":626,"width":1280},"url":"https:\/\/thehomeground.asia\/destinations\/singapore\/the-case-for-women-masturbating-and-sex-toys\/","about":["Community","Health & Wellness","Local","Sex & Gender","Singapore"],"wordCount":1888,"articleBody":"We do not talk nearly enough about sex and female pleasure. But when we do, what are we saying? And beyond chitchat, how do our actions fare? In the second of a two-part series on female sexuality and pleasure, TheHomeGround Asia delves into the world of female masturbation and sex toys, uncovering the misconceptions surrounding them, and understanding how they are important to a woman\u2019s sexual wellness. \u2018Dirty\u2019, \u2018immoral\u2019, \u2018wrong\u2019 \u2013 these are words that the women TheHomeGround Asia spoke to associated with masturbation when they were growing up. These sentiments are reflected nationwide: a 2015 survey commissioned by Swedish wellness brand Smile Makers revealed that one in two women think that talking about masturbation is taboo.Sexual wellness advocate Janice Lee says that women are “afraid” of masturbating: \u201cMasturbation is seen as dirty. You shouldn\u2019t play with yourself… The hymen may break when you play with yourself, whether it\u2019s with your fingers, or a toy… These are beliefs that have been perpetuated through the generations.\u201d\u00a0Sexual wellness advocate Janice Lee suggests that women are afraid of masturbating because the belief that it is ‘dirty’ has been ingrained in women through the generations. (Photo courtesy of Janice Lee)It is perhaps no surprise then that Singapore presents with the largest masturbation gap in the world, according to a survey conducted by a sex toy company.\u00a0 Involving 6,000 participants across 12 countries, it found that women worldwide masturbate 68 per cent less than men on average. In Singapore, the gap widens to 79 per cent. This is despite women ranking their libido at a similar level to men.\u00a0The Smile Makers’ survey found that only 30 per cent of women in Singapore are satisfied with their sex lives, even though nearly 60 per cent believe that achieving sexual satisfaction is within their control. So if women want it, why are they not getting it?\u00a0Lack of knowledge behind female masturbation and pleasure\u201cThe issue is simply a lack of information,\u201d suggests Ranae (not her real name). When chatting with a few of her girlfriends about masturbation, she recalls one of them asking, \u201cHow do you even do it?\u201d\u00a0She adds: \u201cInformation about female sexuality and pleasure is rather opaque in mainstream media, unless you actively search for it.\u201d\u00a0Misconceptions surrounding a woman\u2019s sexuality and pleasure can also be a contributing factor.\u00a0There are many misconceptions surrounding a woman’s pleasure and sexuality, such as women being able to achieve pleasure easily via penetrative sex. (Source: Canva) Another interviewee, who prefers to use her pseudonym Veron, reveals that misinformation abounds in her conversations with friends: some believe that the clitoris is an extra fold in the vulva and unimportant for female pleasure; while many men think that it is easy for a woman to feel pleasure and achieve orgasms solely through penetration. Better yet, she has heard of men who maintain that speed is everything when it comes to pleasuring a woman.\u00a0\u201cSorry, lads, it\u2019s about precision and rhythm,\u201d she laughs. \u201cJackrabbits are useless here!\u201dBut while Veron brushes off such misconceptions, they are telling of the sheer lack of knowledge about how women can achieve sexual pleasure. Not to mention the frequent ignorance about the female anatomy which she believes is fundamental information if a woman wants to have pleasurable sex.\u00a0\u201cEvery ‘pistil\u2019 (the female reproductive part of a flower, alluding to the female vulva) is unique and everyone has different thresholds and pleasurable points,\u201d says Veron, who acknowledges that female orgasms are not easy. \u201cIt needs understanding, time, a tender touch, and love.\u201d\u00a0An ongoing survey of 560 women by local sexual wellness platform ZaZaZu finds that 73 per cent of college-educated (and above) women are unable to accurately identify the clitoris on a body anatomy map.\u00a0As it happens, a sample of 1,478 women reports that women are able to achieve orgasms less than a third of the time without clitoral stimulation, as opposed to nearly two-thirds of the time with it. This is a little-known fact among the women Liu Jingjin, co-founder of ZaZaZu, has spoken to.\u00a0She explains: \u201cVery often, when you are in certain positions [during intercourse], you actually have an orgasm during sex because the clitoris is rubbing [against a surface]. There is stimulation on the clitoris but because you are having sex at the same time you don\u2019t necessarily recognise that.\u201d\u00a0Why masturbate? And why do women not?Ms Liu argues the case for masturbation: \u201cI believe the more you understand your body, the more you can protect yourself as well. Explore your body, and learn where your erogenous zones are. There are obvious zones, like the breasts and the clitoris, but I also have a client who said that her erogenous zones are behind her ears.\u201d\u00a0\u201cWe have to stop thinking about the penis as the only tool and only form of having sex,\u201d Ms Lee adds. \u201cWe should be thinking about having sex as different kinds of sensory experiences. Any erogenous zone can be stimulated.\u201dMasturbation can help women relieve period cramps, according to a study by a sex toy company. (Source: Canva)Besides learning more about one\u2019s body, masturbation also comes with other perks, she says: \u201cMasturbation relieves a lot of stress because it can release a lot of endorphins and serotonin [chemicals and hormones that regulate stress and happiness in our bodies].\u201d\u00a0But despite the perks, women are still not masturbating, and Ms Liu believes that besides a lack of knowledge, some women are discouraged from engaging in their own pleasure.\u00a0In her experience consulting with women on sexual wellness issues, she reveals that many women think masturbation is harmful or will replace their partners. But, she says, \u201c[masturbation] is an enhancement to get better sex with your partner, [rather] than having less good sex.\u201d\u00a0Liu Jingjin, co-founder of ZaZaZu, finds that women’s partners sometimes discourage them from using sex toys or masturbating as they feel intimidated. (Photo courtesy of Liu Jingjin \/ Facebook)Another prevalent problem she encounters is that many women\u2019s partners actually discourage masturbation and the use of sex toys, as they feel intimidated by women taking charge of their sexual pleasure. She says that their partners tell them \u201cif you introduce a sex toy into the bedroom, you are actually undermining my manhood.\u201d\u00a0Ms Lee agrees, noting that she commonly gets questions from men along the lines of, ‘If my partner uses sex toys, what about me? What\u2019s going to happen to me?’\u00a0\u201cNothing,\u201d she answers. \u201cIf your partner thinks that the sex toy is better [than you], it\u2019s not a problem with the sex toy, it is a problem with the relationship.\u201d\u00a0The need to normalise sex toysSome of these misconceptions and hesitations are why Ms Lee decided to enter the sexual wellness scene. As a business development consultant for sextech and femtech companies, she places sex toys on the shelves of mainstream stores, shops specialising in sexual products, and e-commerce.\u00a0\u201cIt\u2019s to normalise the talk,\u201d she explains. \u201cThe more you expose them to this, the more they are able to at least see that it\u2019s okay for sex toys to be there because it\u2019s not something to be ashamed of.\u201dShe adds that placing sex toys on the shelves of stores in malls or e-commerce platforms helps alleviate the stigma attached to walking into sex shops: \u201cThe image is sleazy. If I go in, it means I\u2019m perverted.\u201d\u00a0But when made available in mainstream channels, she says that it is easier for people to pick up the toy and have a look at it.\u00a0Having sex toys in mainstream channels allow them to become normalised, and destigmatises their use. (Source: Canva)\u201cInstead of looking at it as just a toy, look at it as just another wellness product that is meant for your more intimate parts, that\u2019s all. It\u2019s nothing to be ashamed of,\u201d says Ms Lee.\u00a0Raleigh (not her real name) welcomes the move: \u201cIt makes sex toys seem less taboo and stigmatised, and also much more accessible to the everyday woman.\u201d She shares that her sex life has improved since she started using a vibrator that she received for her birthday.Ranae and Veron, likewise, have had positive experiences with sex toys.\u00a0Advice for women starting outBefore even beginning to explore one\u2019s body, Ms Lee reminds women: \u201cCut yourselves more slack.\u201d\u00a0She advises: \u201cWe grow up with the norms and taboos around [masturbation], so we\u2019re already a little bit biased against it. If the mindset is not changed, it\u2019s hard to engage in the act wholeheartedly. We have to start slowly.\u201d\u00a0But it is not necessary to buy a toy when starting out; fingers work just fine, says Ms Lee.\u00a0The point, she emphasises, is that women should start by getting comfortable with their own bodies: \u201cMake love to yourself… Which are the areas that you feel are more sensitive, which are the areas that you like being touched? Just get used to touching yourself… it does not have to be the vulva.\u201d\u00a0And, if at the end of it all, you fail to achieve an orgasm, she insists, \u201cDon\u2019t berate yourself… Just practise it a few more times. Do it in different ways, and find different forms.\u201d\u00a0Drawing from her own experiences, Ms Lee reveals that she does not achieve orgasms easily, but she still enjoys the journey.\u00a0Despite her occupation and running her own sexual advocacy platform, Ms Lee says she is still learning, a process that is ongoing: \u201cYour body is always changing, the hormones are always changing. Everybody’s experience is different. And you should navigate this by yourself first, before engaging with a partner.\u201dCreating a welcoming landscape for women to explore their sexualityJanice Lee hopes to ignite a #makelovetoyourself movement, where women will learn to pleasure and care for themselves. (Source: Canva)It is Ms Lee\u2019s hope that in promoting sexual wellness and sex-positivity, she will ignite a #makelovetoyourself movement.\u201cIf you do not know how to make love to yourself first, you do not have a right to expect anybody else to know how to do that,\u201d she underscores.Meanwhile, Ms Liu\u2019s goal with ZaZaZu is to forge a community where female pleasure is not just accepted but encouraged. Like Ms Lee, she emphasises that achieving a healthy state of female pleasure is not merely about bridging the orgasm gap, or even about achieving an orgasm.\u201cYou don’t need to have orgasm to have great sex,\u201d she says. \u201cIt\u2019s just a consequence of great sex. When women start to enjoy sex, and sex becomes a central part of your life and an essential health pillar, then we can have a community where women can safely explore.\u201dAnd it is through exploring their sexuality that women can build more confidence, adds Ms Liu, something she has experienced herself.\u00a0\u201cI became who I am today, a confident woman, partially because I was able to explore sexuality in a very healthy and open way,\u201d she says. \u201cSexuality informs your identity. And if you are secure in who you are, that builds confidence, and confidence is something that encourages us to change the world.\u201d\u00a0Join the conversations on TheHomeGround Asia’s Facebook and Instagram, and get the latest updates via Telegram."},{"@context":"https:\/\/schema.org\/","@type":"BreadcrumbList","itemListElement":[{"@type":"ListItem","position":1,"name":"Destinations","item":"https:\/\/thehomeground.asia\/destinations\/#breadcrumbitem"},{"@type":"ListItem","position":2,"name":"Singapore","item":"https:\/\/thehomeground.asia\/destinations\/\/singapore\/#breadcrumbitem"},{"@type":"ListItem","position":3,"name":"The case for women masturbating and sex toys","item":"https:\/\/thehomeground.asia\/destinations\/singapore\/the-case-for-women-masturbating-and-sex-toys\/#breadcrumbitem"}]}]