[{"@context":"https:\/\/schema.org\/","@type":"NewsArticle","@id":"https:\/\/thehomeground.asia\/destinations\/singapore\/touching-lives-the-unseen-stories-of-older-caregivers\/#NewsArticle","mainEntityOfPage":"https:\/\/thehomeground.asia\/destinations\/singapore\/touching-lives-the-unseen-stories-of-older-caregivers\/","headline":"Touching lives: the unseen stories of older caregivers","name":"Touching lives: the unseen stories of older caregivers","description":"Ms Salbeah Baharudin was only 29 when she found herself faced with the daunting task of taking care of her mother.\u00a0 \u201cI was young then, stronger\u2026 During that period, I spent [most of] my time with her,\u201d she says, adding that she was living with her mother then. \u201c[It was] 24\/7, day after day. Sometimes […]","datePublished":"2021-08-30","dateModified":"2022-04-16","author":{"@type":"Person","@id":"https:\/\/thehomeground.asia\/author\/Maisie%20Leong\/#Person","name":"Maisie Leong","url":"https:\/\/thehomeground.asia\/author\/Maisie%20Leong\/","identifier":227,"image":{"@type":"ImageObject","@id":"https:\/\/secure.gravatar.com\/avatar\/4f5c852853ba8ed19bedc5417be7db8166064cfcb8857f5ec40bb516fab94b2d?s=96&d=mm&r=g","url":"https:\/\/secure.gravatar.com\/avatar\/4f5c852853ba8ed19bedc5417be7db8166064cfcb8857f5ec40bb516fab94b2d?s=96&d=mm&r=g","height":96,"width":96}},"publisher":{"@type":"Organization","name":"TheHomeGround Asia","logo":{"@type":"ImageObject","@id":"https:\/\/thehomeground.asia\/wp-content\/uploads\/photo_2021-07-22-222533.jpeg","url":"https:\/\/thehomeground.asia\/wp-content\/uploads\/photo_2021-07-22-222533.jpeg","width":640,"height":640}},"image":{"@type":"ImageObject","@id":"https:\/\/thehomeground.asia\/wp-content\/uploads\/1630066553879_Older_caregivers_Featured_Image_1280x626_28129.jpg","url":"https:\/\/thehomeground.asia\/wp-content\/uploads\/1630066553879_Older_caregivers_Featured_Image_1280x626_28129.jpg","height":626,"width":1280},"url":"https:\/\/thehomeground.asia\/destinations\/singapore\/touching-lives-the-unseen-stories-of-older-caregivers\/","commentCount":"1","comment":[{"@type":"Comment","@id":"https:\/\/thehomeground.asia\/destinations\/singapore\/touching-lives-the-unseen-stories-of-older-caregivers\/#Comment1","dateCreated":"2026-04-22 17:58:04","description":"Your point of view caught my eye and was very interesting. Thanks. I have a question for you.","author":{"@type":"Person","name":"b\"asta binance h\"anvisningskod","url":"https:\/\/www.binance.com\/register?ref=IXBIAFVY"}}],"about":["Community","Local","Singapore"],"wordCount":1631,"articleBody":"Ms Salbeah Baharudin was only 29 when she found herself faced with the daunting task of taking care of her mother.\u00a0\u201cI was young then, stronger\u2026 During that period, I spent [most of] my time with her,\u201d she says, adding that she was living with her mother then. \u201c[It was] 24\/7, day after day. Sometimes I feel so tired\u2026 But I did it because she was my mother.\u201dHer mother was diagnosed with womb cancer just two years after Ms Salbeah\u2019s father died. Being the only unmarried daughter then, Ms Salbeah took on the responsibility of caring for her mother, quitting her job just to do so.\u00a0As her siblings were all working, she would arrange for them to take care of her mother once a week, offering her a brief respite from round-the-clock caregiving. Nine months later, her mother died. \u201cUntil her last breath, I was by her side at the hospital. I [even] slept [there].\u201dHaving taken care of everything for her mother, Ms Salbeah says she felt fulfilled. She eventually went on to have her own family, but tragedy struck in 2014 when her husband was diagnosed with Stage 4 pancreatic cancer.\u00a0\u201cIt took us by surprise because there [were] no symptoms. It happened during the fasting month. He [felt] a terrible pain in his abdomen. He went to the hospital, and after a few days and some tests, he was diagnosed.\u201d\u00a0\u00a0Ms Salbeah had just reentered the workforce that year and she found herself having to juggle caregiving responsibilities alongside her job. Since her own children were still in school, it fell on her to be the sole caregiver once again.\u201cHe was warded in the hospital most of the time and I used to [visit] him after work, returning [home] very late, [at around] 10 plus,\u201d she recalls.\u00a0But after a seven-month battle, her husband died the following year in March (2015). \u201c[I took care of him] until he was sent to the Palliative Care Centre [where he took] his last breath.\u201dToday, Ms Salbeah is a caregiver at Homage, which provides caregiving services such as elder care, respite care, medical escort and transportation services. The 58-year-old balances her caregiving responsibilities with a part time role at a student care centre. She says she decided to try her hand at professional caregiving, since she already has prior experience taking care of both her late husband and mother.\u00a0Salbeah Baharudin is a part-time caregiver at Homage. (Photo courtesy of Homage)It was not until she joined Homage in May this year (2021) that she realised being a caregiver for her own family is different from providing professional care.\u00a0Caregiver Ng Chee Yen agrees. His journey with caregiving started when his mother was diagnosed with vascular cancer at age 101.\u201c[Under] Homage, there are all kinds of assignments, like [being a] medical escort, going to the care recipients\u2019 homes to shower them and helping with their housework,\u201d he says. \u201cWhen I was looking after my mum, I had to handle all the housework — cooking three meals, washing, everything.\u201d\u00a0He was living with his mother then and the pair were close, even going on overseas trips together frequently.\u00a0Mr Ng had chosen to leave his 40-year career in the finance sector to take care of his mother when she was diagnosed in October 2017.\u00a0\u201cShe [had lost] her memory and speech. She couldn’t talk, she couldn’t remember. She [could only] utter words, talking gibberish,\u201d he recalls. \u201cWe went to the doctor who did an MRI and confirmed that she [had] vascular dementia. On that day, I decided to step down from my job to take care of her.\u201d He cared for her till she died in June 2019.\u00a0Shortly after, Mr Ng signed up for a trial class to be a caregiver with Homage, after a friend who was working with Homage suggested that he try professional caregiving.\u00a0\u201cI’ve been taking care of my mom for 20 months. I would have the experience and care to look after an aged person,\u201d he says. \u201c[My friend] was helping Homage do some assignments\u2026 He told me to do something and not just stay at home. He even strongly encouraged me to follow in his footsteps.\u201d\u00a0The challenges of being an older caregiverOlder caregivers face a lot of challenges, one of which is physical limitations.\u00a0Mr Ng was 61 when he left his job to take care of his mother. \u201cMy colleague [said] \u2018No la, you get a maid. [What if you] you collapse, how?\u2019 He also told me I was 61, not that young.\u201d\u201cMy brother was also worried [that] in case I fall ill, I really cannot take care of her,\u201d he says, adding that his family urged him to explore alternative caregiving arrangements, such as a nursing home. Mr Ng declined.\u00a0\u201cEven if I [was] sick, maybe coughing, I would go to the doctor and I would bring my mum along,\u201d he recalls.\u00a0Mr Ng\u2019s financial situation was yet another point of discussion for his family, who suggested placing their mother in a nursing home, instead of having Mr Ng leave his high-paying job to be a full-time caregiver.\u00a0\u201cMy brother\u2026 asked me to carry on working, because I was 61 and not retired yet. But I said no, no way. I knew then that even when I was at work and my mother was at home, I wouldn\u2019t feel at peace.\u201dNg Chee Yen with his mother in Seville, Spain. Prior to her diagnosis, the pair would embark on vacations together. (Photo courtesy of Homage)Physical duties such as lifting the elderly, can prove to be difficult for older caregivers. Mr Ng says he did not face that issue because his mother was slight. \u201cShe’s very skinny. So I still can carry her. She’s very manageable.\u201dBut he recognises that this can be a challenge for other older caregivers, especially when it comes to carrying out tasks such as showering and transporting.\u00a0\u201cA disadvantage for older people [is that] physically, they are not as agile. For me, I do a lot of walking\u2026 So I am still very mobile,\u201d he says. \u201cBut when it comes to strength, I don’t have that. When I need to transfer care recipients who are large, I need to inform Homage about it.\u201dMs Salbeah concurs, citing the example of a bedridden stroke sufferer she once tended to.\u00a0\u201cHe could not move [the limbs on one side of his body]\u2026\u00a0 I [was] the only Care Provider (CP) there,\u201d she says.\u201cHaving to push him to one side to change the diapers and clothing was very tough for me but I managed, and he’s happy with me. I [kept asking him] if I was being too rough but he said \u2018No, you are gentle.\u2019,\u201d she recalls.Another challenge Ms Salbeah encountered was when she needed to shower care recipients at a daycare centre. Ms Salbeah found herself having to shower close to 16 care recipients in three hours.\u00a0\u201cYou are there in the toilet, the seniors [are] queuing. So you have to be very fast. One after another they will come in, and you have to shower them,\u201d she says. \u201c[When] you’re showering them, you also get \u2018showered\u2019 by your own perspiration,\u201d she says.\u201cBut not everybody can handle [things like taking] off diapers, [or handling] pee, and the smell\u2026\u00a0 After that you have to clean their buttocks\u2026 These are the duties that you have to [do to] take care of them. Not everybody is able do it,\u201d she states.\u00a0A rewarding journey\u00a0As an older caregiver, Ms Salbeah believes that her experiences have helped her become more attuned to the needs of her elderly charges.\u00a0\u201cAs I grow older, I know what the elderly… want, [what] they need. I am more patient with them,\u201d she says.\u00a0She maintains that the attitude\u00a0 towards caring for others has a deep influence on her caregiving style.\u00a0\u201cThe approach that you give to them, you will get back from them. [If you] are nice, in return they will be nice too,\u201d she says, adding that sometimes, the care recipient would help wipe her perspiration on her face for her.\u00a0\u201cI [felt] really touched. She knew I had done something for her, [so] she [did] something back [for me],\u201d she says.\u00a0\u00a0The drive to help others is what also motivates Mr Ng to continue being a caregiver.\u00a0\u201cSince Singapore is aging, I really see a lot of people, especially those in the nursing homes, are very tight [on resources], like nurses\u201d he says. \u201cThat’s why they need people like us to help.\u201dUltimately, Ms Salbeah thinks that maintaining strong physical health is vital for older caregivers.\u00a0\u201cYou have to [be] strong, physically and mentally. Because [I am] considered elderly also, sometimes I feel the aches and pain,\u201d she says. \u201cAt times I go for my massages to pamper myself. To take care of others, you have to take care of yourself first.\u201d\u00a0But she stresses that mental strength is equally important to being a good caregiver.\u201cWhat is your intention? It is to help and to make them feel good\u2026 Inside you must be genuine. You are there to help, to give love,\u201d she says.\u00a0Mr Ng believes that empathy is vital to being a caregiver, regardless of age.\u00a0\u201cWhether you’re a young or old caregiver, you have to empathise with the person. Sometimes you may try to [connect] with the person, but the person just doesn’t want [to], so just leave it,\u201d he says. \u201cYou have to see the situation and act accordingly. Patience [is important].\u201d\u00a0Patience and empathy are key to caregiving, says Mr Ng. (Photo courtesy of Homage)Join the conversations on TheHomeGround Asia’s Facebook and Instagram, and get the latest updates via Telegram."},{"@context":"https:\/\/schema.org\/","@type":"BreadcrumbList","itemListElement":[{"@type":"ListItem","position":1,"name":"Destinations","item":"https:\/\/thehomeground.asia\/destinations\/#breadcrumbitem"},{"@type":"ListItem","position":2,"name":"Singapore","item":"https:\/\/thehomeground.asia\/destinations\/\/singapore\/#breadcrumbitem"},{"@type":"ListItem","position":3,"name":"Touching lives: the unseen stories of older caregivers","item":"https:\/\/thehomeground.asia\/destinations\/singapore\/touching-lives-the-unseen-stories-of-older-caregivers\/#breadcrumbitem"}]}]