[{"@context":"https:\/\/schema.org\/","@type":"NewsArticle","@id":"https:\/\/thehomeground.asia\/destinations\/singapore\/valentines-day-whats-the-deal-with-our-fear-of-being-singled-out\/#NewsArticle","mainEntityOfPage":"https:\/\/thehomeground.asia\/destinations\/singapore\/valentines-day-whats-the-deal-with-our-fear-of-being-singled-out\/","headline":"Valentine\u2019s Day: What\u2019s the deal with our fear of being singled out?","name":"Valentine\u2019s Day: What\u2019s the deal with our fear of being singled out?","description":"In the blink of an eye, it\u2019s that time of year that is both loved and dreaded \u2014\u00a0Valentine\u2019s Day.\u00a0 This longstanding day celebrating romantic love dates as far back as the 14th century, but in recent years, many have begun to question what exactly is society celebrating every 14th day of February.\u00a0 Is it the […]","datePublished":"2022-02-08","dateModified":"2022-04-15","author":{"@type":"Person","@id":"https:\/\/thehomeground.asia\/author\/rachel-teng\/#Person","name":"Rachel Teng","url":"https:\/\/thehomeground.asia\/author\/rachel-teng\/","identifier":367,"image":{"@type":"ImageObject","@id":"https:\/\/thehomeground.asia\/wp-content\/uploads\/Rachel_Teng-100x100.jpg","url":"https:\/\/thehomeground.asia\/wp-content\/uploads\/Rachel_Teng-100x100.jpg","height":96,"width":96}},"publisher":{"@type":"Organization","name":"TheHomeGround Asia","logo":{"@type":"ImageObject","@id":"https:\/\/thehomeground.asia\/wp-content\/uploads\/photo_2021-07-22-222533.jpeg","url":"https:\/\/thehomeground.asia\/wp-content\/uploads\/photo_2021-07-22-222533.jpeg","width":640,"height":640}},"image":{"@type":"ImageObject","@id":"https:\/\/thehomeground.asia\/wp-content\/uploads\/S3-Feature-1920-x-1080-px-V1-21.jpg","url":"https:\/\/thehomeground.asia\/wp-content\/uploads\/S3-Feature-1920-x-1080-px-V1-21.jpg","height":900,"width":1600},"url":"https:\/\/thehomeground.asia\/destinations\/singapore\/valentines-day-whats-the-deal-with-our-fear-of-being-singled-out\/","commentCount":"4","comment":[{"@type":"Comment","@id":"https:\/\/thehomeground.asia\/destinations\/singapore\/valentines-day-whats-the-deal-with-our-fear-of-being-singled-out\/#Comment1","dateCreated":"2026-06-22 05:58:13","description":"I don't think the title of your article matches the content lol. 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Or, is it the fact that the day itself has become a capitalistic cash grab for corporations to profit from? Many have turned to boycotting the day, or rebranding it \u201cInternational Friendship Day\u201d, even at the nationwide level.\u00a0Delving deeper, researchers across the world have begun to analyse the undercurrent of a social phenomenon that might be fuelling societal general bias towards being \u201cin love\u201d \u2014 Singlism.What is Singlism?Many may think that this is another made-up word Millennials are using. Not quite.Coined by the Harvard social psychologist Bella DePaulo, the term singlism refers to the negative stereotyping and discrimination of adults who are single.\u00a0This generally refers to those who do not identify as \u201cmarried\u201d in their marital status, including anyone who is divorced, widowed, or unmarried.\u00a0A lesser-known ism \u2014 more commonly known ones would be racism or sexism \u2014 this negative image against singles is more inherent than intentional. \u201cThey are targets of negative stereotyping, interpersonal rejection, economic disadvantage, and discrimination,\u201d she writes in a past article, Singles in Society and Science, dating back as early as 2005.\u00a0Acknowledgedly, singlism is a \u201cnonviolent, softer form of bigotry than what is often faced by other stigmatised groups\u201d, according to Dr DePaulo. This could be the reason why it is not as explicitly discussed.\u00a0Yet, when pointed out, it is \u201coften regarded as legitimate\u201d. Apart from the fact that the term has already been picked up by the likes of the Washington Post, the New York Times, and various scientific journals, there is compelling evidence to support that singlism can have tangible negative impacts on an individual\u2019s finances, social life, and mental health.\u00a0In America, unmarried people can pay over $1 million more in healthcare, taxes, and housing costs than their married counterparts. Another study in Britain estimated a \u201csingles penalty\u201d of up to \u00a32000 a year, manifesting in couples\u2019 discounts for gym memberships, flight tickets, and home and car insurance, to name a few.The list goes on.\u00a0In the workplace, singles are more susceptible to working overtime, being laid off first, or having fewer health insurance benefits. All these phenomena stem from the underlying assumption that singles live untethered from their family units, and have no other pressing commitments or dependents, if not for their nonexistent spouses or children.\u00a0Single women have arguably less autonomy over their bodies and how they are being perceived. In 2017, a Suffolk University survey revealed that more than 2 in 5 single women (42 percent) reported more unwanted sexual advances than 1 in 3 married women (30 percent).\u00a0Singlism in Asia\u00a0Is this phenomenon, however, only a problem in the west?\u00a0The basic negative perception of single people is they make up an unhappy group. (Photo source: PollVaulter)Dr Ivy Lau, a social psychologist and Associate Professor at the Singapore Management University (SMU), has found through her research that Asian cultures give generally similar results to preexisting North American studies.\u00a0\u201cThe basic negative perception of single people being an unhappy group is replicated,\u201d says Dr Lau. \u201cThere is this developmental norm of going to school, graduating, getting a job, getting married, and then perhaps having two kids and a house. Those are normative milestones \u2014 and we don\u2019t judge people well when they go against the norm.\u201d\u00a0Surprisingly, the people who \u201cchoose\u201d not to follow this norm are being judged more harshly, she adds, citing that divorced singles are deemed much more unhappy than those who were never married.\u00a0Conversely, a study in Israel found that divorcees are viewed slightly more positively than those who have always been single. \u201cThe argument is that, well, at least these people have succeeded once,\u201d she laughs.\u00a0There previously existed older studies suggesting that married people live healthier, longer, and happier lives, but Dr Lau cautions against such generalisations.\u00a0\u201cIf you look closer, married people are actually less good at keeping up healthy BMIs, and are more likely to practise unsafe sex,\u201d she says. \u201cBut then, we cannot reverse the argument to say that people who are not married must be unhappy.\u201d\u00a0In fact, these observations might very well be more of a matter of reverse causation, wherein people who are already happier and healthier are more likely to attract and couple up with those who are like them. People who show more robust marriage advantages are also highly correlated with those who say that their spouse is their best friend.\u00a0Singlism is internalisedBeing very much like ageism, Dr Lau points out that the most insidious thing about singlism is that it is internalised by most, if not, all of us. \u201cIt\u2019s like how we didn’t stand up to defend ageism when we were younger, and when we become older, we get affected,\u201d she says.\u00a0In the same way people become more anxious as they grow older, singles are more likely to report that they are more dissatisfied with their relationship status, and would like to change it.\u00a0And the insidious and very real consequence that follows? Singles are more likely to settle.\u00a0\u201cThere are actually studies showing that people who think negatively about being single are more likely to stay in, or choose to be in, unsatisfactory relationships,\u201d says Dr Lau. \u201cThey lower their standards, and this fear of being single in turn affects relationship development.\u201d\u00a0Worldwide and nationally, we have a rapidly growing population of singles. More than 2 in 5 (41.1 percent) of Singaporeans identify as single, widowed or divorced, and the proportion is likely to grow, with the number of marriages dropping by 5.8 percent from 2019 to 2020.\u00a0\u201cIf there is all this negative stigma around single people being unhappy, then we will have a very large group of unhappy people,\u201d says Dr Lau.\u00a0In Dr DePaulo\u2019s book, Singled Out, she comically imagined a world in which married people get the \u201csingles treatment\u201d. When you tell people you are married, for example, they tilt their heads and say things like \u201cDon\u2019t worry honey, your turn to divorce will come!\u201d Or, perhaps, when travelling with a spouse, you each have to pay more than when you travel alone.\u00a0This Valentine\u2019s Day, perhaps instead of celebrating those who are safely out of the range of the \u201csingle-shaming\u201d fire, we could start to reevaluate how we perceive success in interpersonal relationships \u2014 both in ourselves and others.\u00a0Join the conversations on TheHomeGround Asia’s Facebook and Instagram, and get the latest updates via Telegram."},{"@context":"https:\/\/schema.org\/","@type":"BreadcrumbList","itemListElement":[{"@type":"ListItem","position":1,"name":"Destinations","item":"https:\/\/thehomeground.asia\/destinations\/#breadcrumbitem"},{"@type":"ListItem","position":2,"name":"Singapore","item":"https:\/\/thehomeground.asia\/destinations\/\/singapore\/#breadcrumbitem"},{"@type":"ListItem","position":3,"name":"Valentine\u2019s Day: What\u2019s the deal with our fear of being singled out?","item":"https:\/\/thehomeground.asia\/destinations\/singapore\/valentines-day-whats-the-deal-with-our-fear-of-being-singled-out\/#breadcrumbitem"}]}]