How Can Couples Overcome Sexless Marriages?

Sex makes up an important part of any couple’s life. Despite its vital role in a relationship, it comes as no surprise that many couples don’t pursue the activity as they should be. The number of sexless marriages is on the rise and in fact, has become more common than we think.

An estimated 15 to 20 per cent of Singapore’s married couples have sex less than 10 times per year. According to experts, any legally-bound partnership with sexual intimacy fewer than this count is referred as a sexless marriage.

Whatever the reasons may be, couples should work on restoring sex in their lives. If you are experiencing this, here are nine ways to integrate sex into your marriage again.

1. Talk about it with your spouse

Stress, anxiety, depression, and lack of body confidence are major drivers behind a sexless relationship. But hiding those problems will not do any good.

Discuss with your partner what is holding you back. Communication is the key to a healthy relationship. But remember, you are doing it to resolve matters, not complicate them by pointing fingers. So, it is important to keep your tone warm, gentle, and considerate.

2. Rekindle the romance

Sexless marriages often result in a loss of connection; however there are many tips for rebuilding intimacy. You can turn on the romance by holding your partner’s hand, cuddling, or massaging each other. It is also recommended to take a shower together as the more you come into contact, the more you will connect. Make efforts to kiss each other while saying goodbye in the morning and increase your eye contact when pouring out your feelings. Also, make time to go on a date night, as you used to before!

3. Block out time and plan sex

Sex is vital for bonding partners physically and emotionally hence it needs to be made a priority in your relationship. So try to spend some quality time with your partner by watching movies together. Shut off all negative thoughts and plan sex into your schedule — this will add a sense of anticipation. Sharing your sexual thoughts with your spouse and finding some exciting new positions are also great ways to increase intimacy.

4. Eat a nutrient-rich diet to boost your sexual desire

Switching to a healthy diet is an effective tool to combat the sexless element in your life. Healthy food such as bananas, figs, herbs, and avocadoes are good as they are high in vitamins which are essential in boosting your sexual desire through the increase of blood flow to the genitals.

5. Exercise regularly to enhance your sexual craving

Exercising regularly can help to better your low sexual desire. According to research, a 20-minute exercise is sufficient to enhance your sexual arousal by 169 per cent. Workout affects the hormones, enzymes, and neurotransmitters in the body which are essential in boosting physical intimacy.

6. Shed stress

Worries about your body, performance anxiety, and overworking are major factors in decreasing sex drive. To shed stress and negative thoughts, take a bath, kindle some candles, play romantic music, and meditate.

7. Spice things up with sex toys

Sex toys are good options to spice up a fading intimate relationship. You can use the help of toys such as adjustable handcuffs, massage candles, or digital vibrators to heat up your sex life.

8. Consult a marriage counselor

If you still can’t resolve the issue, consult a marriage counselor. They provide couples with a neutral place to negotiate and find a solution. Getting advice from an expert can save your relationship from doom.

9. Seek help from a sexologist

If you are experiencing sexual frustration, a certified sexologist can help you identify your problems, such as what’s responsible for the lack of sexual urges, and give the best suggestions on how to spark physical intimacy with your spouse.

About the contributor

Dr. Martha Tara Lee runs Eros Coaching and is dedicated to working with individuals and couples to lead self-actualised and pleasure-filled lives. She has worked with a lot of couples (international and local) who have unconsummated marriage; men and women with sexual inhibitions and sexual desire discrepancies; men with erection and ejaculation concerns; as well as with GLBTQQ and kink folks. She has a doctorate in human sexuality and masters in counseling. Since 2011, has been (and still is) the only certified sexuality educator by the American Association of Sexuality Educators, Counselors and Therapists (AASECT) in Southeast Asia.


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